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Wednesday, May 22, 2013

By Self!

After my daughter's graduation I crawled into bed and watched home movies. On the screen, an earlier version of the same daughter fumbled with her chubby baby hands, determined to zip her own jacket. 

"By self!" she'd insisted in toddler duck-speak, shunning any assistance. "BY SELF!" 

As a broke, newly minted college grad, she'll now have the chance to do plenty 'by self.' Looking around, however, it's clear that many otherwise independent adults want the least 'by self' possible. 

 Pedicure from my point of view "Thuy!" by Debra Blake

Although we are well and capable, we hire people to wash and dry our hair. We pay strangers to file and paint our nails, to massage our naked flesh with oils, to pluck or shave or rip unwanted hair from our faces and bodies, to spray on our tans, to clean our homes, wash our clothes, sweep our walks, cut our lawns, and park our cars.

Eventually, many of us will have to hire strangers to feed, bathe and dress us, but I doubt we'll be all that proud or happy about it. I suspect that we'd much prefer to wipe our own asses, and in moments of lucidity  will long to proclaim 'BY SELF!' once more. 

From wee babes who insist on zipping their own jackets -- to befuddled elders flummoxed by button holes -- and everything in between -- aren't we quite the critter?

xo Amy

Sunday, May 12, 2013


I have nothing against motherhood -- it's the holiday that pisses me off.

Anne Lamott wrote more or less the same thing I was going to write for mother's day.

My point was gonna be that Mother's Day (like so many other holidays) causes more pain on average than joy, and that all days that are designed to leave people out, or make them feel like shit, would be banned from the world I rule.

Meanwhile, here's Ann's post:

and that is all.
xo Amy

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Seething-with-hatred blog

If you’ve ever waited for medical test results for yourself or someone you love... 
And had the business day end with no one bothering to call you with those results... 

And if the next day no one returned your messages.
And the office closed, without word... 

Than you know how frustrated and furious I am.

How dare they be so cruel?
So cavalier?
So utterly unthinking?

I know it’s not fair to judge the entire medical establishment by a few utter shit-balls... 

And I suppose it is remotely possible that some people in medicine might not be reprehensible assholes... 

So, instead of wishing slow, writhing agony on all of them...
I restrict this curse to every doctor, technician and nurse who ever left a patient dangling, frightened and powerless... 
prolonging their patients' suffering...

I dearly hope they soon find themselves stuck for a nice long time in that patient’s place of extended emotional agony and uncertainty. 

That’s fair, isn’t it?