Search This Blog

Sunday, June 1, 2014


Long ago I lived in Grand Ledge Michigan with a bunch of other sweaty, hopeful, unpaid, summer stock apprentices, and a dead rat in the pipes that stunk up the flat when any fool turned on the faucet.

The moment I remember most about that summer came after hearing a shriek of brakes and maybe a thud. Out the window, on the black street, I saw a very white dog in a pool of very red blood.

At the sight of me running toward him, he lifted his head and wagged his tail, splashing it in the blood. He believed I was coming to help him, to make it all better.

This image repeats on me like acid-reflux: the trust in his wag, the hopelessness and powerlessness of reality.

I'm back home, in bed in California now, having left my parents waving bravely from the door of their strange new apartment in assisted living in Michigan.

Images meld.



UB said...

I'll be sure to recommend your blog if I meet anyone who wants to experience the feeling of having someone stand on their windpipe.

Amy Goldman Koss said...

true, bears. Not alot of laffs in this one.

Unknown said...

No laffs, just gut-wrenching truth. There will be good moments ahead for them and for you. Hard ones, too. Hugs from a sandwich generation sister.

Unknown said...

Not a lot of laffs, just gut-wrenching truth. There will be good moments ahead for them and for you. Hard ones, too. Hugs from a sandwich-generation sister.

Melodye said...

Tail-wagging and arm waving--gestures that draw us closer & invite the sun to shine once more, and bring hope along with it.

XOXO Hugs from a friend who knows this feeling well, and whose including you & yours in her thoughts and prayers.

imp said...

I'm so sorry, Amy. I've been meaning to reach out and keep delaying. I've been through similar suckage and am here if you need me. xoxo

Unknown said...

Amy,I feel for you so much. But they will be okay. This is part of the journey of life. Yours and theirs.When my grandad died and my grandma moved into assisted living, she told me that the old phase of her life was over and this was the new one and that was just how it was!She was the one moving, but it helped me to feel better about it.And we had lots of good times there! I guess that's life....and it's just so hard sometimes!!Change is always hard. Hang in there.Lots of love....Thinking of you xxxxxxx

CameoRoze said...

Such a hard thing to go through, Amy. I call these "memory snapshots." They remain for a long time, but change in magnitude of heart-wrench over the years. I'm sorry this is so fresh for you, and repeats itself right now. Becoming parents to our parents is uncomfortable and necessary. Walk with courage.