Agent / Author Matchmaker!

If there existed a match.com-esque matchmaker site for author/agent relationships...

Agent profile: Enjoys walks on the beach. Just as comfortable accepting the Newbery in crimson pumps, as stomping out a great contract in thigh-high-steel-toed-shit-kickers. 

Writer profile: Shoes? Who needs shoes?

Agent Seeking: Fresh voices -- edgy, unconventional stories about tics and fleas.

Writer Seeking: Someone to sell my books fast for lots of money. 
P.S. Wow! We're super simpatico! I adore F&T!  Especially en croute! In fact I was just working on a fabulously edgy but accessible, unconventional but user-friendly manuscript/app about fleas and tics!  But um, re. T&F... did you mean for or against?   

Agent (check all that apply)

• Wants to share daily with client, synchronize menstrual flow.
• Prefers to be spared the inane details of your petty little life. 
• Prefers contact by phone.
• Prefers contact through e-mail.
• I’ll find you when I need to.
• Wants to be involved in the editing process.
• Doesn’t actually read manuscripts.
• Believes in nurturing talent.
• If you want sympathy, call your mother.

Writer (check all that apply)

• Needs encouragement, reassurance and praise.
• Needs tons of encouragement, reassurance and praise.
• Will settle for moderate abuse in lieu of being entirely ignored.

xoxo

Amy


P.S. FYI Have recently signed with a new agent, so this is actually retro-bitterness, but still.